The Techie Bible 

GENESIS 

In the beginning there was the Stage, and the Stage was without lights or sets, and darkness was on the faces of the actors. And the Technical Director said, "Let there be Lights!" and the Techies worked and wired, and there were lights. Spotlights and specials, areas and backlighting - yea, lights of all shapes, sizes and hues. And the TD saw the lights, that they were well aimed and focused, gelled according to the scene, and no more was there darkness on the faces of the actors. And it was good. And the evening and the morning were the First Day. 

And the TD looked upon the actors and saw that although they walked in light, they did walk upon a bare stage, and had no place to be, and the TD was moved to pity. And the TD said, "Let there be a Set!": and the Techies scrambled and worked, and there was a set, with platforms, wagons, stairs, and furniture of various types and sized, each according to the need. And the actors did walk within the set, and did have a place to be. And the TD saw the set, that it was good, and the evening and the morning were the Second Day. 

And the TD saw the actors, that although they did have a place to be, they did look like fools, for they waved their hands, clutched at open air, and struck each other with nothing. And in his heart, the TD was moved to pity. And the TD said, "Let there be Props!": and the Techies worked feverishly and did buy and build, and there were props. And they were good, and the evening and the morning were the Third Day. 

And the TD looked upon the actors, and saw that they did go forth in blue jeans and the TD knew that this would not do. And the TD said, "Let there be Costumes!": and the Techies did cut and sew and shape, and there were costumes, each sized to the actor, according to the play, and keeping in with the role. And no more did the actors go forth in blue jeans, and the TD saw the costumes, that they were good, and the evening and the morning were the Fourth Day. 

And the TD watched the play, and saw that the actors did wait in silence, and was moved to pity. And the TD said, "Let there be Sound!": and the Techies worked and taped, and there were sounds, each according to its place and cue, all at the proper levels. And the TD heard the sounds, that they were good, and the evening and the morning were the Fifth Day. 

And lo, all these works were completed in five days, showing that if God had used sufficient Techies in the first place, He would have finished sooner. 

PROVERBS

Remember always that the TD is never wrong. If appears that he is, then you obviously misunderstood him the first time. 

Seek not, as do the actors, to go forth in light upon the stage, for though they strut and talk and put on airs, their craft does truly depends on you, to shape the dreams that they would show. 

Give not unto the actor his props before his time, for as surely as the sun does rise in the East and set in the West, he will lose or break them. 

When told the placement of props by the Director, write not these things in ink upon thy script for as surely as the winds blow, so shall he change his mind. 

Speak not in large words to actors, for they are slow of thought and are easily confused. Speak not in the language of the Techie to actors, for they are uninitiated, and will not perceive thy meaning. 

Keep holy the first performance, for afterwards ye shall party. 

Keep holy the last performance, for afterwards ye shall party. 

Beware of the actors during scene changes, for they are not like unto you and are blind in the dark. 

Beware of actors when flying in walls, for they will stand and watch and get crushed. 

Listen carefully to the instructions of the Director as to how he wants things done - then do it the right way. In the days of thy work, he will see thy wisdom, give himself the credit, and rejoice. 

And above all, get carried away not with the glow-tape, or thy stage will be like unto an airport.

EXODUS

And lo, as the year begins, so is the Duct Tape delivered unto the TECHIES, who do revere and worship the Duct. And, soon, does the Duct Tape leave the store, to be used by the TECHIES in pursuit of excellence in their techie activities. And, the head TECHIES do soon become worried at the amount of Duct used, for while much use of Duct does surely lead to a higher plane of TECHIE existence, the year must be split in two: 6 months of plenty, following the delivery of Duct unto the TECHIES, and 6 months of famine, when the Duct must surely run out. 

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF THEATRE

1.The Director is God. Thou shalt not take notes from friends nor family, coaches nor critics.

2.Thou shalt not take the name of thy producer thy angel in vain, for he shall sign thy checks.

3.Remember thou keep holy the half-hour; keep in mind that an actor is never on time, an actor is always early.

4.Honor thy author and thy composer, for in the beginning were the words and the notes.

5.Thou shalt not kill laughs nor step on lines; still, thou shalt pick up thy cues.

6.Thou shalt not adulterate thy performance, for thy stage manager is always watching.

7.Thou shalt not steal scenes nor focus nor props.

8.Thou shalt not bear false witness in thy bio nor résumé; indeed, thou shalt be truthful in thy entire performance.

9.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's lines; for truly, there are no small parts, only small actors.

10.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's good fortune; for in fact, all actors must pay their dues.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF COSTUMES

1.Thou shalt have no other costume shop in thy heart than the Huron Players Costume Shop.

2.Remember thy appointment time and keep it holy.  If thou dost not attend thy fittings, thou shalt not complain about thy costume.

3.Honor thy costumer and thy dresser, for by their hands are you made stageworthy.

4.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's costume nor try to change thine own.

5.Thou shalt always wear thine underwear to a fitting and it shall be clean.  (Despite what thy mother hath spoken, holes are okay.  We needest something about which to gossip after thou hast departed.)

6.Do not commit a falsehood and misstate thy measurements or thy weight, for if thy numbers are deceitful, thy costume shalt not fit.

7.Thou shalt not abuse thy costume, wig, or hat; neither shall you sittest upon them.

8.Thou shalt not create thine own accessories unless otherwise instructed by the costumer.

9.Thou shalt not tell thy costumer how to sew, even as thy costumer shalt not tell thee how to sing.

10.Know these commandments as thyself and thou shalt be blessed and not required to pay for costume damage.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF STAGE MANAGEMENT

1.Thou shalt not take the stage manager in vain, for without him/her, no spike tape will be placed, nor will cues be given on time.

2.Thou shalt take all notes in pencil, for as surely as the winds blow, so shall the director change his/her mind.

3.Keep reverence for the first performance, for afterwards thou shalt party.

4.Honor thy costume designer, for in being rude, thine costume will become like that of a porcupine.

5.Thou shalt not talk to crew or actors when backstage, for surely both will miss the cue.

6.Thou shalt not walk in the direct path of moving scenery, for surely you shall be crushed.

7.Thou shalt always return thy prop to the proper prop table after its use, or thy prop will not be there for thy next performance.

8.Thou shalt not go on stage after "half-hour" has been called and the House has been opened, for surely the audience will see thee before thy time. Likewise, thou shalt reserve thyself from returning to the stage until the House is clear, but instead go to the Lobby to see thy friends.

9.Thou shalt make haste to be in place when "Places" has been called, for surely the stage manager will tear about in fury till you are there.

10.Thou shalt not miss thy cue or take it before its time.