Theatre Dictionary

Actors (As defined by a set designer):  People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art, blocking the view. That's also the origin of the word `blocking,` by the way. 

Bedroom Farce:  Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose set sports a lot of doors.

Blocking:  The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as to not collide with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each other.  Similar to playing chess except that the pawns want to argue with you.

Blocking Rehearsal:  A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule where actors frantically write down movements which will be nowhere in evidence by opening night.

Choreographer:  Similar to a director, they have charge of making people move in unison, without bumping into each other (unless that is what the artistic moment calls for). Often responsible for making people bend in unnatural ways and places. 

Crew:  Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic.

Dark Spot:  An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night. 

Director:  The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the local review. 

Diva:  If you don't know who I am, then I don't want to bother explaining it to you. Where's my Evian? Eternity The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line. 

Dress Rehearsal:  Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that evening. 

Eternity:  The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line.

Green Room:  Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter that night, a situation which can result in justifiable homicide. 

Hands:  Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets. 

Lighting Director:  Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing a play-by-play of everything that's going wrong. 

Makeup Kit:  (1) Among experienced community theater actors, a battered tackle box loaded with at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages of desiccation, tubes of lipstick and blush, assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid latex, old programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards from past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted cough drops. (2) For first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything they can borrow. Message Play Any play which its director describes as `worthwhile,` `a challenge to actors and audience alike,` or `designed to make the audience think.` Critics will be impressed both by the daring material and the roomy accommodations, since them're likely to have the house all to themselves. 

Message Play:  Any play which its director describes as "worthwhile," "a challenge to actors and audiences alike," or "designed to make the audience think."  Critics will be impressed by both the daring material and the roomy accommodations, since they're likely to have the house all to themselves.  

Monologue:  That bright, shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him. 

Musical Director:  Person who believes that you can, if you really wanted to, sing and/or play the music perfectly the first time you've seen it. Also steadfast in using terms like 'soprano.' 'alto' and 'espresso.' Forces men to sing so high they lose the ability to have children, and women to sing so low they grow facial hair. 

Prop:  A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor in 30 seconds.

Quality Theatre:  Any show with which you were directly involved. 

Set:  An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to occupy the same amount of space. 

Set Piece:  Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a safety shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent attempt to both anchor themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating off into space, and to keep the audience from seeing that they actually have legs. 

Stage Crew:  Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic. 

Stage Manager:  Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just decided to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic tricks while he serves the tea. 

Stage Right, Stage Left:  Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to drive directors crazy. `No, no, your OTHER stage right!` Turkey Every show with which you were not directly involved. 

Strike:  The time immediately following the last performance while all cast and crew members are required to stay and dismantle (or watch the two people who own Makita screw drivers) dismantle the set. 

Tech Week:  The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches its grand climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known as "hell" week.

Turkey:  Every show with which you were not involved.